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Dr. Neder:

 How can I mentally-manage my wife’s choice of celibacy?

 Hello!

 I don’t know what you mean by “mentally manage celibacy”, but frankly, that’s not the issue at all anyway!

 Your wife doesn’t have the right to be celibate! If she wanted celibacy, she should have never married you!

 If she needs celibacy for some medical reason (and it’s temporary) that’s one thing – and frankly, so rare that I’m not going to deal with it in this message. On any other hand, read on…

 When you took your vows during your wedding, you likely promised to “…forsake all others…” In other words; you promised that you wouldn’t have sex with anyone else. The problem with that promise is that it’s based on an assumption; another “vow” as it were: that your partner would be making sure you had the sex you needed in order to maintain the level of relationship-promise a marriage requires.

 You see, this is a vow just as much as forsaking all others is a vow.

 If your wife is now choosing celibacy – and the reason (other than as I’ve already stated) is totally irrelevant – then you no longer have the responsibility to live by YOUR vows either! Thus, you SHOULD NOT “mentally manage” this! In fact, you should be one damn, pissed-off guy! You’re being “cheated on” by your wife!

 As I’ve already stated, your wife does not have the right to make the decision for you or your marriage. If she’s having libido problems then:

 1) Get her checked out by a doctor to determine why that’s happening. If it’s a medical issue, the doctor can help her and your problem is; for all intents, solved.

 2) If not medical, she needs to seek some emotional counseling to determine if her libido problems are mental/emotional instead. If so, the doctor can again help her here.

 3) If neither of these things, then this is a choice – and one she has no right to make. Likewise, you can’t demand sex from her, but you can do this instead:

 Explain to her that she has a responsibility (a “promise”) to you and your marriage. If she’s unwilling to uphold her responsibility, then she is giving you clear and specific permission to get your sexual needs met outside the marriage.

 Further, she needs to understand that if; by finding this new sexual partner, you also fall in love with that person, this sham-marriage will be over and she’ll have to accept that fact knowing that she created it.

 Don’t “mentally manage” something so ridiculous as celibacy. You have rights here too if only you’ll stand up for them.

 Best regards…

——————————————————————

Have a love, dating, sex or relationship question? You can write to me or get more information about “Being a Man in a Woman’s World tm” by going to: http://BeingAMan.com. Be sure to check out the new BAM! TV at http://BeingAMan.tv. Follow me on Facebook (http://tinyurl.com/cas4w9) and Twitter (http://tinyurl.com/d3pecs).

 Copyright (c) 2010, Dr. Dennis W. Neder. All rights reserved.

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Will she love me again? This is a question that pops up over and over again in the minds of men who are in a loveless relationship or who have just lost the woman they love. Whatever the situation, this can leave you feeling lost, depressed or hopeless. But it doesn’t have to be that way. There are many who’ve been able to answer “yes” the question of “will she love me again?” and you may be able to do it as well.

Your first step involves thoroughly accessing the situation. Understand the point you are at in the relationship or the end of the relationship. Has your wife told you that she doesn’t love you anymore, or do you just feel that way? Has your wife even gone so far as to say that she never wants to see you again? There is a big difference between her not loving you and her hating you (if that is the case). You need to understand the real situation before you can proceed in remedying it.

But, in most cases, before you can go on, you’ll need to allow her the space she needs. Even if she hasn’t told you that she doesn’t love you anymore, her behavior has lead you to question her love. So, rather than pestering her or constantly bringing it up, let her have the time to figure it out.

Obviously, if she has told you to leave her alone, then you know you should be giving her space anyway. At this point, you should clear her from your mind. Stop putting all the focus on how to get her back. Dwelling or obsessing on it is not going to do anything.

Now you need to keep yourself busy with other things, mainly yourself. In this extra time that you now have, start doing some things that you enjoy but never had time to do before (or maybe she didn’t like or agree with these things). Also, make sure that you are taking good care of yourself. This will serve when your “distance time” is up and you are ready to approach her again.

You want to transform yourself into an attractive, self-confident, loving, strong person. This means eating the right kinds of foods (and shedding those extra pounds), not drinking too much or giving into some kind of behavior that shows her you’ve fallen apart without her, getting enough sleep and having some fun. This time off serves both you and her.

It gives her the time she needs to think and to actually see if she misses you when you aren’t there, and it gives you the chance to prove to yourself that you can do just fine without her. It might feel like the world is about to end in the beginning, but you’ll soon find that you no longer feel that way. This will put you in a good position when and if you decide to go back and try once again with her. And then you too can answer “yes” to the question of “Will she love me again?”

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Hi Love Is In The Stars For Aries http://aweber.com/b/28N8j

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If you want a happy marriage, search for the glue that will bind you together. That is advice given through the generations and like a lot of comments from older people, it is worth listening to.

Every relationship is different, as unique as the two people involved in it. Your mutual attraction, shared memories and lifestyle will help to keep you together and prevent you becoming yet another statistic. But you cannot afford to just sit back and assume that you will always be happy. Happy marriages take work. Couples need to realize that they must spend time on their relationship as well as time apart in order to stand the best chance of staying together.

People often make the mistake of putting their kids first all the time. While your children are important, the relationship between you their parents is equally so. What better example can you set your children than to have them growing up in a home where everyone is valued and their contribution to family life is appreciated. You want your kids to grow up knowing how to treat other people properly. They learn from example so be sure that the example you are giving them is the one you want them to follow.

In a happy relationship both parties know that the other person will always be there for them. This doesn’t mean that they will always take their side in an argument but that they will not be abusive or disparaging or disrespectful. You need to develop good listening skills – God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason. You need to learn to really listen to your partner and try to appreciate what they are saying to you. Poor communication does not result in you celebrating forty or fifty years of married bliss.

Spend time together – this seems like an obvious one but if you look back over the last month how much time have you two actually spent alone together. Staring at the TV screen every evening doesn’t count. If you have to put a time in the diary but make sure that you spend at least one evening every two weeks together enjoying quality time.

If your intimate relationship needs some work, don’t ignore it. Mutual attraction and lust played a huge part in you getting together in the first place. It is completely natural for the overwhelming urge to jump on each other to wear off but you should still find each other attractive. The good news is that the more you make love, the more your body will want it. Making love releases feel good chemicals and thus your body craves these good feelings. Even if you have to make a huge effort to get into the mood try and soon you may just find that it doesn’t take that much effort anymore!

Finding the right partner to spend the rest of your life with is difficult but it is easy compared to keeping your marriage on the right track. Don’t put your head in the sand. Read books like the Magic of Making Up and apply some of their teachings. You want a happy marriage? Search and apply the techniques that work for other people and you can be as happy as you wish.

This topic and more is discussed in the Magic of Making Up ebook. Learn the right and wrong things to do to get your ex back here

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Do You Have This Yet? http://aweber.com/b/1JPYz

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