Out of all the things that need to be present in a relationship to make it a good relationship I think respect is number one. Though respect in relationships isn’t just about respecting your partner, though that is important too, it is also about respecting yourself and making sure your partner treats you with respect too.

If your partner, this applies to you too by the way, doesn’t respect themselves they can’t respect you. So respect in relationships has to extend to all parties involved and each person needs to have a high level of respect for themselves as well as their partner.

So, what happens when one partner doesn’t really respect themselves? Well, in my experience (I’m not a counselor or anything, but I have seen this pattern in relationships of friends and family members) it leads to kind of a downward spiral a little like this:

1. First of all you have one person who doesn’t respect them self. They usually attract the “wrong” type of person. They usually attract someone else who is suffering from low self esteem and a lack of self respect.

2. Next you find that you have two people in a relationship who have deep seated feelings of no self worth. Even in this dynamic one person will rise to the top and become the dominant partner.

3. Since the person who is the dominant partner does not have any real self esteem they will try to artificially increase their feelings of self worth by trying to control the other person and keep the other person off balance.

This is usually done by continuing to further undermine the other persons feelings of inadequacy and their lack of self esteem.

4. The person who is feeling “picked on” (and they really are being picked on, it’s not just in their head) will either lash out at their partner thus creating a terrible dynamic of fighting all time in their relationship or they will sink down even further into their feelings of not being good enough.

5. This abusive cycle will continue until one person gets so tired of it (or bored with it) they leave. It can also escalate into more physical types of violence.

Doesn’t sound like much fun does it? Want to know how you can avoid getting sucked into this type of relationship? Well, the truth is that it is actually fairly easy and the first step is holding off getting into a relationship until you have dealt with the worst of your low self esteem issues.

The stronger you are and the more confidant you feel before you even head off to the dating pool, the more likely you will be to attract another confidant person with strong self esteem. That is the best way to ensure that the two of you have a relationship that is on equal footing.

I’m not saying that this type of relationship won’t have it’s challenges, but if you both have good self esteem you should find it easier to communicate and work things out.

The real problems come when you are each feeling bad about yourselves and then one person will always try to feel better by dominating the other.

And one other important thing to note; good self esteem does not mean “cocky” or “arrogant”. These are actually traits of someone who is very insecure and is trying desperately to hide that insecurity by over compensating.

So, to do all you can to ensure you meet the type of person that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated, take some time out and deal with your own issues before you even start dating. You may not be “perfect” but you can be much stronger and that will go a long way to ensuring that you only find respect in relationships.

For every experience we have we learn something from it. That’s what helps us increase our wisdom in this life. Take what you learn from everything and use it to further enrich your life. This includes what you learn from things that you fail at. Like a relationship breakup.

I was in a relationship once that was as toxic as they come. But, in the course of the relationship I learned several things about myself that I never knew I had inside me. I found a strength of character that was hiding, or maybe even developed during that relationship. I also found a deep spirituality that I did not know I had as well. The relationship was short lived, only about a year and a half, but the things I came away with will last me a lifetime.

I guess what I am saying is that even though a relationship may not last at least you can benefit in other ways and try to remember what was good about being with that person. Maybe not right after the breakup but with some time and distance you will be able to see clearer just exactly what you learned during that time with them.

Once the relationship has ended and the grieving period is over, try to learn to enjoy your time by yourself. Learn who you really are not who someone else thinks you should be. If you think about it, if you try to be someone you are not and ignore the warning bells going off in your head then that relationship really cannot last. If you are not loved for who you are then stop settling, break it off and either be by yourself for a while then find someone who will love you for you.

I think it is almost impossible to find someone to love if you are not secure in who you are to begin with. That is why so many marriages fail. Too may insecurities on both sides. Too many people try to manipulate each and every situation to their own benefit when what they should be doing is trying to find ways to compromise when the need arises and make each other happy instead of miserable and even more insecure than when the relationship started.

If more people would just use the sense God gave them and think of the other person a little more and themselves a little less then a relationship breakup could be avoided and more people would consider themselves to be happy. Love is an important part of life and too many people don’t know how to handle it, or mistreat it when they do have it. Such a shame.

This topic and more is discussed in the Magic of Making Up ebook. Learn the right and wrong things to do to get your ex back here

Now that you’re talking about things the conversation returns to an intimate level and he suggests hanging out once in a while, getting together to share intimacy again, something you both miss. That part of the relationship was great.

Don’t do it.

Taking a step backward in a relationship going from the intimate of what you had to a relationship that’s going to be just about sex between the both of you will not change him but will certainly degrade yourself.
As you view your future, knowing that you have to start over from scratch with someone else. It’s easy to think that just getting together for sex with no connection to the previous relationship will make life easier for you. It won’t.

After breakup it’s a whole new world again. You are starting over, some friends will hang out with you someone hang out with your ex, it can seem like a harsh world.

Exchanging the true intimacy you had in your relationship after breakup with just having sex won’t fix anything. And it certainly won’t help you move on.

You may even seem to be the right thing to do to help you get past the breakup. The reasons for the breakup may even seem a little distant once the loneliness is started to set in.

You have to consider that sex is part of the relationship and if the relationship was broken. Then returning to just relive a part of it is wrong.

After a breakup it may be possible to start over, but starting over takes you to the first square of the relationship game, you don’t start in the middle.

The Magic of Making Up ebook

This topic and more is discussed in the Magic of Making Up ebook. Learn the right and wrong things to do to get your ex back here or how to move on from a failed relationship.

What is at the top of your list?
- regret?
- remorse?
- sex?
- love?

Many people choose to have sex as being at the top of your list but if you give them a minute or two longer to think about it, to really let the idea of their life coming to an end at a specified time, they choose to correct old mistakes, to apologize for old slights and to rekindle love so they leave this world as they entered it, surrounded by love and pure of spirit.

The choice on how you live your life has affected everyone you’ve ever been in contact with, whether for an instant or a decade.

You have the opportunity to change the direction of your life right now, what is the next step you should take?

This topic and more is discussed in the Magic of Making Up ebook. Learn the right and wrong things to do to get your ex back here

Even if the two of you split up on friendly terms, there will be some negative feelings. You will feel hurt, angry, guilty and confused. Such emotions are to be expected, but there is one feeling that may be harder to deal with, and that is how to get over someone you love. Don’t worry, all of this is completely normal.

Before you start trying to get over your ex, you need to make sure that’s what you really want to do. Your emotions will be running high after a break up, and it’s easy to confuse one feeling for another. So, it’s very possible that the reason you can’t get over them is because you don’t want to…you just think you do.

Yes, it can be confusing, so you need to calm down first. You need to let the dust of the broken relationship settle for a while before you make any permanent decisions. There is always a chance that you will realize that you want to try to work things out. However, for the rest of this article, we will assume that you have already thought it through and now you need to know how to get over someone you love.

Getting your ex out of your mind can be tricky, but it is possible. A lot of amateurs in giving out relationship advice will tell you to focus on all of the bad stuff your ex did. The thinking here is that hating them will erase them from your memory, but the opposite is true. It will only amplify their memory and it’s not fair to your ex.

A better way is to forgive your ex for all of the bad stuff they may have done.
This will take away any of the power they still seem to have over you. It will also allow you to start moving forward with your own life, which takes us to the next step.

While you won’t be able to completely erase the memory of your ex from your mind, you can overpower it for a while. The way to do this is to go out and life your life to the fullest extent possible. The more things you have to occupy your time, and occupy your mind, the less space there will be for you to think about your former partner.

Finally, when it comes to how to get over someone you love you need to be realistic. It isn’t about forgetting about them 100%. After all, if you had good memories together, you should be able to look back on those in the future. But, you need to be able to move forward, so it’s important to get them out of your mind, especially right after the break up. Then, after a bit of time goes by you can start to think about them in a healthy, well-adjusted manner; without it making you feel upset.

This topic and more is discussed in the Magic of Making Up ebook. Learn the right and wrong things to do to get your ex back here