Journal your feelings!

There is nothing to be ashamed of because everyone does find themselves in that place of uncertainty. The important thing to do is to decide how you are going to dealing with breaking up and moving on.

You have two ways that you can go about dealing with your break up:
#1 Let it tear you apart.
#2 Overcome it and become stronger because of it.

There is a saying that that whatever doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger but that all depends on your attitude and how you decide you will be dealing with the days after the break up.

Your break up may have been the most devastating thing you have gone through but you don’t have to let it destroy you.

What makes you a survivor is you deciding that this moment will not define you. A marriage ending in divorce or any type of relationship ending is difficult. If it was due to someone’s infidelity or an affair then you may have self-esteem issues that you need to get some counseling to help you through it. The same is especially true if there was abuse of any kind involved. If you were on either side of those issues, seek some help. Dealing with break up for any reason can cause some long-term problems if they aren’t dealt with soon.

When you are dealing with break up you want to be strong after you have gone through all of it. By deciding that you are going to come out a winner and stronger you are going to be helping yourself by giving yourself some positive focus and good goals to achieve. Don’t let this consume you. You have to be able to move on. Winning this is learning that there is life after this relationship and finding that life.

Also, don’t decide that you just want to survive, decide that you are going to THRIVE! Realize that your best days are ahead of you. Wake up each morning trying to focus on what good things can come on this day and try to be excited about what tomorrow holds. Focus on the good things that life has to offer. Life is over just because that relationship ended. You don’t have to lie to yourself and others. Believe that today is a gift and that you are fortunate because you have an unopened gift waiting for you just around the corner. Once you start believing that, you won’t have any more problems dealing with the breakup.

Breaking up is hard to do but it is only as devastating as you let it be. A nasty breakup doesn’t have to be the end of you. It can and will be a new beginning. The breakup of a relationship doesn’t have to bring the breaking up of your life. If you build a new foundation from the ruins of this tough breakup, chances are that you will have no problem dealing with break up in the future.

This topic and more is discussed in the Magic of Making Up ebook. Learn the right and wrong things to do to get your ex back here

Getting back together

You know that things can be made to work and you are now trying to figure out “how to get back my ex?” Breakups are not irreparable events which are the absolute end of things. There are things that you can learn and use to try an get your ex back, but it will take work and time. Here are five such things to know about.

First, you have to let go of all of the pain and move on.

This is a difficult step, but you should instead try and think about the fact that letting go will bring them closer to you. This is not to say that you should shut everything out. You need to experience these feelings in order to move on, but you cannot spend too much time on them, otherwise you will hinder your own progress. Tell yourself that moving on is how to get my ex back and it will be easier to do so.

Once you have left the feelings behind you, you should figure out why it happened. What you should be thinking is that how to get back my ex involves knowing why we broke up. If there is a problem behind the breakup, then knowing of it will lead to fixing it. Once that happens, you can get them one step closer to being back with you.

An important step in the healing process is to extend each other a break.

Separation is required in order to get back to a point where the two of you can move on and do what is needed to set things right. Those who spend time with no contact among each other are most likely to get past the breakup and get back together.

You should also spend the time to call upon the support of those around you.

Ask others what they think in terms of “how to get back my ex?” This can include your parents, siblings, friends and more. Not only can these individuals provide support for you as you experience the emotional turmoil of a break up, but they can also act as your calm head, your sensibility, and they can mediate things between you and your ex.

Once you each have your support networks, you should come back together.

A meet up is the final step in the process of getting back together. You should proceed slowly, first by emails and text messages. Keep your tone friendly, for any sign of moving forward too quickly can be detrimental. Enter into the meet up with a game plan, so that you do not get hurt. Prepare to suck it in and apologize for yourself, and not expect the same. The point is to rekindle the romance, and this is the step where you will see if it is possible to know “how to get back my ex.” Following these steps will make for the best chance, but be prepared to accept staying separated.

This topic and more is discussed in the Magic of Making Up ebook. Learn the right and wrong things to do to get your ex back here

[Photo by binababy12]

For most of us, getting over your first love can seem impossible. It’s hard to believe that we can ever really be happy again or that we will ever find someone who ‘gets’ us the same way our love did. The truth is, no matter how hard it is to believe right now, that as humans we are capable of loving many people. We can love very deeply and while we won’t love each person in exactly the same way, we can have more than one ‘true love’ in our lifetimes.

The most important thing you need to do is get yourself in a position where you will be able to love again, and that will take some time.

Here are the best steps for making a clean break so that you can move on and find love at some point:

1. You have to face the fact that your relationship is over. This is unbelievably hard to do. You thought the two of you would be together forever and you can’t imagine that it could really be over. You have to face the fact that it is over and cut off all communication with your ex.

2. Do not allow yourself to hide away. A few days, or weeks, of wallowing and hiding out is ok, but after that it’s time for you to rejoin the world. That’s not to say that you should start dating, you probably shouldn’t at this point, but you can start spending time with family and friends and not just moping around in your bathrobe for days on end.

3. Do those things that you weren’t able to do when the two of you were together. In all relationships there are things that one person doesn’t want to do and more often than not the person who does like to do it doesn’t get the chance. Now is the time to revisit those things that you’ve put on hold. Remember the activities and places that once brought you joy and let them bring you joy again.

4. Take this time to reevaluate who you are and what you want. Make yourself the best ‘you’ you can be. Lose weight, take a class, find a new job, paint your house, it doesn’t matter what it is as long as it will have a positive impact on your life. These types of activities will make you feel a little more in control and will help you grow as a person. They can also give you something to distract yourself from the pain you are feeling, at least for a short time.

5. This is the hardest one… give yourself time. Whether you believe it or not at this point, some day the pain will fade and just be a memory and when that day comes you will be ready to love again. You have to give yourself the time you need to mourn your lost love and regain your strength. Don’t let others tell you when you should be over it, you will get over it at your pace. However, if you don’t seem to be moving forward even a little after several months you may need to have a counselor help you through the grieving process.

Getting over your first love will seem like an impossible task. After all, this is the first time you’ve ever felt like this and it’s easy to believe that you could never possible feel this way again, but you can, and if you give yourself time you will.

This topic and more is discussed in the Magic of Making Up ebook. Learn the right and wrong things to do to get your ex back here

Breakups happen - watch for these things

Now that we got that out of the way, you may be wondering if your relationship is headed in the wrong direction. While you can’t always be sure until you’re told face-to-face, there are a few end of relationship breakup signals you should be aware of.

The surest signals are changes in your mate’s behavioral patterns. A small change here or there probably doesn’t mean much. What you need to be aware of are big changes in habits and behavior. Do they all of a sudden start talking a lot more? Are they fidgety around you? Do they use stronger, harsher words than they used to?

Emotional distancing is one of those things that’s hard to quantify, and even harder to explain properly. In essence, if you notice your mate isn’t as warm an affectionate as they used to be, or if they seem to be somewhere else even when you’re in the same room, that could be a sign of things coming to an end. You may recognize that the closeness is gone, but you’re not quite able to pinpoint why.

Spending less time together is one of the classic end of relationship breakup signals. Now, that doesn’t mean you have to spend every minute of every day together. But if you used to go places together and “hang out” frequently, and now you’re lucky to see each other for an hour a day, that’s a strong indicator of trouble just around the corner.

If there is an observable difference in how much you are arguing (more or less) that is another signal that your status as a couple is about ready to go through some changes. While you may welcome fewer arguments, it can be a symptom of a reduced desire to work things out.

One of the trickier signs is if your partner starts being much more romantic than they ever were before. A lot of times this is done to cover up feelings of guilt. It should be noted that this guilt doesn’t always derive from having an affair, it can also stem from their thinking about leaving. Regardless, it can be a way of compensating, or it could be for good reasons.

Now, it should be noted that any or all of these signals being present may not mean anything as far as your relationship is concerned. It could be a sign of other problems. Talk to your significant other, remaining calm as you do so, and try to figure out what the underlying problem is.

Any one of these end of relationship breakup signals could mean the end of being together is near, or it may not mean anything at all. The best thing to do if you spot a potential problem is to look at other potential warning signs. If you start noticing a lot of your significant other’s actions are out of place, then it is probably time to confront your mate to find out how they’re feeling and what their thoughts about your relationship are.

This topic and more is discussed in the Magic of Making Up ebook. Learn the right and wrong things to do to get your ex back here

Finding a new direction for your life

While poor relationships can also be split into two distinct stages of their own: Before break-up and after break-up. There is a bit of dark humor there, because you will often think you are in the one of the two good relationship stages until it’s too late.

Perhaps that’s why sadness, anger, guilt and depression are just a few of the emotions that make having a very hard time coping after break-up a not too uncommon experience. After all, things are going along just fine, because you are either committed to each other already, or about to be…at least that’s what you’re thinking. Then, wham! You find out you are now going through the after break-up. Here are a few ways to help you get through this difficult time more easily.

One of the best things you can do is find useful outlets for your time. While you may feel like punching a hole in the wall or other destructive things, they won’t do anything to help. The key is to find positive ways to use your time. Stay active at work or with your other commitments. If your schedule allows, you can even add an activity or two. Just be careful to not overdo it. There is often a fine line between staying active and denial.

Having a very hard time coping after break-up usually results in crawling into a little hole and wallowing in self-pity. That may be a bit blunt for some, but I hope it shakes them up! You have to be with people. There’s no other way around it.

Talk to a trusted friend, preferably one that doesn’t talk to your ex. Having someone to listen to you will go a long way towards helping you deal with the bad feelings you’re experiencing. Even though friends do their best, sometimes they just aren’t able to listen enough. You can take this idea to the next level by getting help from a mental health professional or find a therapist – some people don’t go out of fear of embarrassment or ridicule, but they are there to help, and are required to keep everything confidential.

Forgiveness can be hard to give, but it is wonderfully liberating. If your ex was at fault, forgive them. Even tougher to do, though, is forgiving yourself. Whether it was really your fault or not isn’t the point. Getting rid of the guilt is.

You may want to avoid everything but you will eventually have to face the fact that you went through a break up. That is, ultimately, the only way to ever get over it completely. You can’t ignore it forever. Bad stuff happens to good people. You have to move on.

Feeling bad after a break-up is normal. Staying attached to those feelings for a long time isn’t healthy. Use the tips above to start getting to a more positive place. Once you do, you will be able to enjoy life much more than you do now.

This topic and more is discussed in the Magic of Making Up ebook. Learn the right and wrong things to do to get your ex back here

Moving past your breakup

Why does it seem that everybody feels the need to share that old saying with you after you have ended a relationship?
I know it’s their way of easing the pain of a breakup and while it may be true, it never has the desired effect. The good news is that there are some things you can do to start feeling better and move on with your life.

Let’s face the facts. After a split, feelings get hurt, tears flow, anger surges and the thought of ever loving again seems like a remote possibility. I mention this because it’s important to know that the ebb and flow of feelings after breaking up are normal.

Apart from time, the only thing that will heal the hurt is accepting things for what they are. Once you can do this, easing the pain of a breakup becomes nearly automatic. However, it may take a while before you get to that stage. Here are a few things you can do to feel better in the meantime.

Get out: Hiding yourself away is detrimental to the healing process. Go ahead and take a little time to be alone, but don’t overdo it. Get out of the house as soon as you can and re-discover the things life has to offer. In the beginning it’s a good idea to avoid the old haunts you used to frequent with your ex. Other than that, have a ball!

Stay busy: While you shouldn’t try to completely ignore what you are going through, it’s also not a good idea to dwell on it. Participate in positive or productive activities to give your heart and mind a rest. Clean the house, play games, go to the gym, or anything else that requires movement and some level of thought.

Laugh: It may seem impossible, you may even feel guilty about it, but go ahead and laugh. It is believed that laughter releases certain “feel good” chemicals in the brain. The more you laugh, the better you will feel. Easing the pain of a breakup is never a simple thing to do, but if you can smile and laugh you are well on the way to better days.

Seek help: What if everything you do to feel better just doesn’t seem to work? When this happens get help from a qualified therapist, counselor or psychiatrist. They are there to help. More importantly, they are trained to do one thing better than the average person. What is that thing? Listening. Sometimes having a non-judgmental ear is all you need to start moving on.

Nobody likes to part ways with someone that’s close to them. Even if you knew things were getting worse for quite some time, the actual split can be difficult to handle. There is nothing wrong with feeling down, but only to a certain degree. At some point you have to be proactive in easing the pain of a breakup. Using the simple ways mentioned above will get you feeling better much sooner.

This topic and more is discussed in the Magic of Making Up ebook. Learn the right and wrong things to do to get your ex back here