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My world shattered when I lost love. I am sharing my story with you to help you if you also have recently lost love.

Every relationship has a natural life span. When you were a young student going out meant having a girlfriend for a few days and that was it. As we got older these life spans of relationships grew longer but there was always the chance that the life of the relationship ended, and me tried to move on from there.

Most of us will have only one great love, one love that meant everything to us, and it ended. I understand, and I want you to also understand, that this is a natural process of life and love.

In my case, my girlfriend and I were thinking about ratcheting up our relationship. Her lease was about to end, and she wanted to move into my apartment. As we were spending most of our time there anyway, it made sense from a financial perspective.

But there is something significant about having separate places. I know I lost love because I couldn’t handle her taking our relationship to this level. I guess the time span of our relationship was up because I wasn’t willing to become more committed.

Now, I know I handled the situation badly. I went to a friend’s bachelor party and let’s just say things got out of hand. Word about the wild antics at the party got back to my girlfriend, naturally, and she dumped me. I lost love over the events of one night.

But, when I think back on what really happened, the events of the bachelor party were really a reaction to our discussion of more commitment. I seriously don’t think I would have behaved the way I did if I really wanted her to move in. I lost love because I wasn’t ready for the direction it was taking.

I’m glad I had the chance to be in a relationship with my ex. But I don’t think she was the love of my life, my soul mate. Instead, she was someone with whom I genuinely enjoyed spending time. I loved her. I still love her. But, she is not the person with whom I see spending the rest of my life.

I went through a period of mourning the relationship and analyzing what went wrong. I really was hurt when she said she wanted to end things. Sure, I understood that I had hurt her. But, I didn’t want her to leave my life completely.

I guess what I wanted was for things to continue on the way they were. But, every relationship has to grow or die. Because I wasn’t willing to let it grow, it had to die. In every relationship, there is a time to die. And, for me, this was it. That’s how I lost love.

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You’ve begged, pleaded, and promised to change your ways.

If he’s already started dating someone else you’ve tried to break them up to get him back.

If you’ve already done these things then you’ve made several steps backwards in your attempts to win your ex boyfriend back.

Pause a moment and think “Did anything I’ve tried work so far to get him back?”, of course they haven’t.

Behaving childish and scheming does not put anyone into the good behavior books… you will win no points with that type of behavior and you’ll just sour the future possibilities that you seek.

Have you been stalking him? Following him on dates, or when he’s hanging out with his friends?

Have you been showing up in places where he appears?

Stop these behaviors now! Right now!

The next time you see him, where ever you are, go ahead and say your “hello” but keep it short, and get out fast. Now more stalking behavior even if it was just chance that brought you both to the same place. Be nice, polite and leave.

When you want to get your exboyfriend back, doing what isn’;t expoected is the hey to showing him that you have changed your ways, that jealousy and clinginess is no longer part of your personality.

After a week or so of this changed personality you can call him, keep it short, just to say hi and ask how he’s doing. No long pauses, no trying to back him into a corner to say something he doesn’t mean. “Hello, how are you… good bye”.

You’ve called because you miss him and want to check up on him. That’s it. Period. Get off the phone now or you’ll just be proving that you cannot change, that you are unwilling for time to help bring him back to you.

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We are not born with the knowledge of getting back lost love. When the time comes to use these skills, without experience anything can happen. Usually you make mistakes and push the person farther away. So learn from others experience and read about the right ways to  win back your love and keep them.

The first thing you’ll want to do is to chase after your ex… this is a big mistake. If you’ve just broken up then your emotions are raw, the drama is playing over and over in your head. You need space from your ex at this time. Don’t drive them further away, don’t make the mistake of contacting them and promising anything to get them back. Allow yourself the space of cooling down, settling your emotions and not allowing communication with your ex (text, email, phone, IM, etc.)  to keeping your emotions stirred up.

While you are allowing yourself this time it’s a good idea to take care of yourself first, be kind to yourself and allow yourself to experience a few things as a single, just to keep yourself occupied for the short term. Even if it was something that you did that caused the breakup you need to remember that there is already a number one in your life, you! Stop sitting home night after night, alone, feeling sorry for yourself. To win back love you need to become the great person you were before.

Call up some old friends and have some fun with them and now is the time to do it!

Activity will keep you busy and too preoccupied to worry about your ex. This is a good thing, remember! Your self-esteem will be boosted and your self-confidence will soar. And this will impress your ex when you do finally have contact with them.

And start a regular exercise program. Renew that gym membership or simply start walking and taking the stairs when possible. Howe about a dance class or yoga? Win love back by exercising regularly. This also releases good endorphins which helps to boost positive feelings, energy and over-all health.

Anyone can get dumped. But not everyone knows the right way to win love back. But now you do!

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When faced with a true, final breakup, it’s likely that you will also feel a physical pain: the broken heart.

Besides the true ache of lost love you may also feel:

• unrelenting sadness
• food has lost it’s flavor and loss of appetite
• your interest cannot be held for long on the things that once brought you joy and happiness
• listlessness and boredom
• inner peace with listening to depressing music (try anything by “The Smiths”) and reading depressing, sad poetry and novels but yet a lack of joy in your daily routine

There is no time like now to release your inner demons and look forward to another day.

As hard as the truth is, life does go on.

You need to find your path again, find your purpose again.

But take your time, you need to heal. You need to find yourself again, the one you were before you were in a couple.

Follow these three steps to regain your emotional and physical health again.

1 – STOP everything you are doing (after competing this article, of course) and get a blank piece of paper. On this paper you need to write down exactly how you are feeling about your breakup. Continue writing on this paper but let’s move to the third person point of view. Write down what has happened as if you were a spectator only. As if you are outside of yourself watching everything happen. Try to capture every action, every seen emotion, every step of the breaking up, even if your story starts days or weeks earlier in time.

2 – Plan a treat day for yourself. This day will be for yourself, a treat day of things that you have held off doing, for whatever reason, and you now have the time and a lack of someone holding you back. This might be a shopping day, a day of travel, a day of entertainment. Do this one day for yourself, with no other goal than to enjoy what was unavailable to you before. A makeover, haircut, pedicure, trip to the museum, travel to another town, you name it, this day is for you. Even if you can’t do this day immediately, you can plan for it to happen soon.

3 – Decide to be available for what life has next for you. The secret of life is that it holds many surprises and you have to be open, and capable, of accepting the new challenges that come your way. Giving up and just “letting things happen” can no longer be a viable alternative to making the decisions in your life, that will affect the rest of your life. You will have made the positive decision to meet the challenges in your life head on when you no longer shirk from responsibility. Stand up, dust yourself off and smile into the sun. You are ready to shine!

You can and will heal from your broken heart but this takes time and a personal understanding that you can accept the hand that life has dealt you. And that you can and will take the steps forward to make your life a fun life again.

3 steps toward a new you, a new life, disposal of the old you and onto the new you.

Only YOU can make the decision to move forward… and YOU do need to move forward.

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