Rhonda stormed out of Tim’s apartment one day saying she never wanted to see him again.  Tim was stunned.  All he could think about was how to win love back.

He called his buddy Joe and asked whether he should send flowers or candy.

“Neither,” Joe said.  “And don’t call, email, or text her either.”

Tim was stunned by this advice.  He wanted to win love back right away before Rhonda had a chance to “look around” and find someone better.

But Joe told Tim that giving Rhonda the space to “look around” was just what she needed.  There was a small chance that she would go forever, but the probability was that she would settle down and come back to him.  She must come to the conclusion that their relationship was special on her own terms.

Further, Joe advised, it would be bad if Tim looked too desperate.  This gave Rhonda the upper hand in many ways.  It would lead to further grand gestures in the future.  If he wanted to get the relationship back on track, Tim needed to give Rhonda space.

Tim and Rhonda both had a lot invested in the relationship.  They had been together 18 months and had even talked about marriage.  This was why it was such a blow to Tim when Rhonda walked out.

But Tim took Joe’s advice, as painful as it was, and waited for Rhonda to call.  It took her four days, but she finally contacted him.

The first thing she wanted to know was “why didn’t you call me?”  He told her “I was waiting for you to call.  I knew you needed space.”

He was right, and she knew it.  She actually appreciated the fact that he hadn’t called.  She knew that he had found a way to win love back.

As they talked about hwere their relationship had been and how to get it back on track, they discovered that one of the problems was that they had been crowding one another.  The thought of getting married had been suffocating.

So, they decided to back off.  They would still see each other exclusively, but they would make more time for friends and solo activities.  They wouldn’t talk about marriage again for six months.

Tim restrained himself from pursuing Rhonda when she needed space.  This allowed her to reevaluate her relationship with him on her own terms.

She initially thought that he would call her all the time.  She was actually surprised that he didn’t.  But, because he refrained from contacting her, she was able to see what her life was like without him in it.  And, it wasn’t as pleasant as she had imagined it would be.

So, if you’re determined to win love back, keep in mind that sometime what is needed is a little space.

Read where things go wrong and how the guy makes things right again.

Shari was busy one night and Tom went to a party alone.  It was stupid, but he started to make out with one of Shari’s friends there.  Shari, of course, heard about it and had a dramatic confrontation with Tom.

“I never want to see you again,” se said.  “I am so out of here.”

Tom’s devastated.  He knows he was wrong, but he wants to know how to win ex girlfriend back.  He misses Shari.

The first thing Tom needs to do is sincerely apologize.  This is not just a quietly mumbled “I’m sorry” either.  He needs to realize what he did wrong, figure out why he did it, decide whether he will ever do it again, and most importantly, communicate all of this honestly to Shari.

At this point, Tom should stop.  The ball is now in Shari’s court.

Tom shouldn’t call Shari.  He shouldn’t email, text, or comment on her wall.  He shouldn’t send flowers or candy.

What he should do is let her make the next move.  She is 100 percent in control here.  If Tom goes out to score, he’s going to lose her.  If he wants to know how to win ex girlfriend back, he needs to be planning for the next step not focusing on the present.

At some point, Shari will initiate contact.  There are many pretexts for doing this.  For instance, she may be mad and want to exchange all personal property.  Or, she could be missing him and just want to talk.

At this point, Tom needs to make his move.  He needs to show her that he’s the one.

He should put the incident behind him.  Tom should only bring up what happened if she does first.

Otherwise, he should talk about the positive memories that they have had together.  He should bring up specific incidents that were special for the two of them.

For instance, he could say, “I was walking around downtown and I saw the restaurant we went to on our first date and I thought of you.”

If he keeps it casual, he can talk about missing her.  “I miss the way you laugh at my corny jokes,” is a good line.  Telling her that he can’t imagine life without her is a bad one.

If she’s receptive, and she probably will be (why else is she calling?) Tom should suggest a casual get together.  For instance, he should ask her to meet him for coffee or something similar.  A half hour mini-date might get things back on track for them.

If he plays it right, he will have found the right solution to the how to win ex girlfriend back dilemma.