Going through a break up is never easy. In fact, it almost always sucks (to be blunt). Still, in a way you are just relieved to be done with it. Or so you thought. Then as some time passes, you start to realize that you still miss your ex. Oh no! What are you going to do? This isn’t supposed to happen, is it? The two of you are broken up, and that’s that. Let’s take a deeper look at the issue, and you will see that things may not be quite as bad as they seem right now.

So, you miss your ex, but is that a bad thing? That really is the question, and getting to the bottom of it will determine how well you deal with your feelings for your ex.

The first thing you need to figure out is whether you really miss your ex or not. Remember, your emotions are going to be running high, and your thinking won’t always be clear after a break up. You may think you miss your ex, but the reality is that you may miss having somebody to hang out with. Or maybe you are afraid you will never find love again. Neither of those things are really about your ex, they are about you, and that’s okay. The main thing is that you get to the root of what your true feelings are.

Assuming you really do miss your ex, you have a decision to make: should you get over them, or try to get back with your ex? You may have a gut reaction to that question, but you don’t want to act on it too quickly. There is no wrong answer here, but you do need to think about it carefully.

If you choose to get on with your life, then you will need to work through your emotions. Yes, you miss your ex, but now it’s time to move on. It won’t be easy, but you need to do it if you ever want to be happy again. If you can’t seem to do it on your own, then talk to a friend, member of the clergy, or a counselor. Each of them can help in their own way, and you’ll be glad once it’s done.

On the other hand, you may decide that you want to try to get your ex back. This brings on a whole new set of challenges, but it can be done. Luckily, there has been a lot of information written about how to do this. So, rather than going off on a whole different tangent, suffice it to say that you can easily find out how to get your ex back if that’s what you have decided to do.

Just because you miss your ex, doesn’t mean you have to live with that feeling. Though it may not seem possible to you now, you can get through this. You have a few options, but the key is to take action. It will take some effort, but it will be worth it once you’re happy again.

This topic and more is discussed in the Magic of Making Up ebook. Learn the right and wrong things to do to get your ex back here

Relationships are supposed to be able to bring out the best in us but many times it is the root for needing self help advice. Most self esteem issues are directly tied to relationships we are in. It doesn’t matter if you are dating or in a marriage or just in love, it can either make us feel better or worse about ourselves. We strive to find the one who will love us and make us feel like we are on top of the world, unfortunately that doesn’t always happen.

One thing that many will try to do is find out if the reason for your difficulties in your relationships is because of the problems between the two of you or is it because of problems that originated early on in either your life or the other persons life. It can be exhausting trying to find the original root of the matter but one thing is obvious, you have problems now.

The best thing to do is to try and fix the relationship that you are in now so that you and your spouse or partner can help overcome each other challenges. You may be interested in reading self help books and utilize different self help techniques. If your relationship is strong, though, there will be no more need to concentrate on healing yourself because you will have a partner to help you overcome. First, though, you need to work on building the relationship. Seek out some good marriage counselors or others who can give good relationship advice.

One thing that is going to help is to never allow yourself to be criticized, or at least don’t internalize it. Also make sure you don’t criticize the one you love. There is no such thing as constructive criticism. There is nothing constructive about it. All it does is make one feel less powerful than the other and it is used to manipulate much in the same way an abuser does. A relationship is not a power struggle and it is not a war. Quit treating it like that and there won’t be any fights to win or lose.

There are some more things that you can do to help your relationship. Where you are separated by beliefs, try talking it out and instead of pointing out where each other is wrong or where their weaknesses are try to find common ground. Take time to discuss what each other’s roles are in the relationship. Also discuss what you expect of the other. Let your partner know what hurts but also let them know what it is you want or need them to do and try to offer the same to them.

Whether you are dating or involved in a marriage there are many things that you can do to help better the situation. Once the two of you have worked to repair the relationship and put away any talks of divorce, separation, or just breaking up, the two of you can work together to make each other better people. Your relationship will help you help yourself image and will help you overcome all those things that hold you back.

Healing a broken relationship isn’t hopeless, but it will be a challenge.  How much of a challenge will depend on many things. 

One of the first things that will factor into how you should go about fixing your relationship is why the relationship is in trouble in the first place.  Is your relationship broken because of infidelity?  If so, was it you or your partner that cheated?  This type of relationship can be fixed but it is the hardest thing to overcome and both partners have to be willing to work very hard to make things right. 

With infidelity it would seem like the partner who cheated would have to do all the work, but that isn’t really the case.  The truth of the matter is that it will take just as much work for the person who was cheated on to try to overcome their fear of being hurt again, their mistrust of their partner, as well as their anger and desire for revenge.

If your relationship has broken down more gradually over time, this might be a little easier to mend.  Of course, it will still take time and work and you both will need to be 100% committed to working on it.  Many relationships in this category die like a plant in a garden, from lack of nurturing.  It’s not usually a big thing that ends it but rather a series of small, seemingly unimportant, things that will weaken the relationship to the point where it will break very easily. 

This type of relationship will take an honest assessment of what each of you has done, or not done, to weaken the relationship.  Once you’ve both admitted the part you’ve played in the breakdown of the relationship, at least to yourself, it’s time to sit down with your partner and honestly discuss what went wrong, what you think needs to be done to make it right, as well as what you personally are willing do to fix the relationship.

This part of the process will be very difficult and will often lead to some horrendous fights.  Why? Because this is the part where you will have to listen to your partner tell you why they aren’t happy with you.  This won’t be easy for you to hear.  And the same goes for your partner when it’s your turn to talk.  Very often one partner won’t be able to deal with what they perceive as criticism when their partner is trying to explain why they aren’t happy.  Once that happens it will often end up in a screaming match and nothing will get accomplished.

This is the point where you, and your partner, will need to grow up. If neither one of you is able to calmly listen to your partner while they try to explain what has made them unhappy in the relationship you won’t have any chance at all of working things out.

Healing a broken relationship isn’t impossible, but it will take work.  If you or your partner aren’t able to be mature and able to face your faults and be willing to work on changing them then you will have a much harder time of fixing your relationship.