You have to pay attention to all the signs of health in your marriage to make sure your partnership is going strong. First, look at how often you have sex. While sex isn’t the whole point of the marriage—it’s much more important than just that—it’s a crucial part of a healthy marriage.

A marriage in crisis is usually pretty easy to spot by looking at your sex lives. Do you have sex infrequently? Is it a big, scheduled deal when you do have sex? Have you stopped having sex spontaneously just when you feel like it?

When sex becomes a scheduled activity, a marriage can certainly recover. In fact, most marriages go through a phase very much like that when a baby is born. Each child makes it more and more difficult to find the time to spend with our partner over a meal or before leaving for work, let alone finding a spare hour to make love.

But a marriage in crisis never breaks out of that pattern. Instead, even when the time is there the partners don’t have spontaneous sex. Usually there’s very little physical affection shown during the day either. People in love and happy to be together tend to hug and kiss different times through the day.

A loving couple will often touch each other just in passing. One will give the other a fast kiss on the cheek or forehead for no reason. Does this still happen in your marriage? Do you ever sneak a quick pinch or pat on the bottom or a sexy look in the middle of the day?

When these things start to disappear, it can be a sign that the marriage is in trouble. The other thing that goes in a very obvious way is common courtesy. When you say “thank you,” “excuse me,” and “please,” throughout your day to strangers more than you say them to your partner, something’s wrong.

We take our partners for granted in this way, and eventually this leads to a sort of coldness between people. There is simply no reason not to be affectionate and thank our partners (and say please) during the course of everyday life.

The good news is that if you’re seeing these warning signs, you can start working right now to correct them. And you don’t have to make a fanfare about it or announce the change. Simply change what you do.

Make a point of giving affection and unexpected kisses. Be very polite again, and say please and thank you, even when it’s just the two of you. Make time for making love. Do these things and your marriage in crisis could soon be back on track and you could be happier than ever.

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Every relationship has a natural life span. When you were a young student going out meant having a girlfriend for a few days and that was it. As we got older these life spans of relationships grew longer but there was always the chance that the life of the relationship ended, and me tried to move on from there.

Most of us will have only one great love, one love that meant everything to us, and it ended. I understand, and I want you to also understand, that this is a natural process of life and love.

In my case, my girlfriend and I were thinking about ratcheting up our relationship. Her lease was about to end, and she wanted to move into my apartment. As we were spending most of our time there anyway, it made sense from a financial perspective.

But there is something significant about having separate places. I know I lost love because I couldn’t handle her taking our relationship to this level. I guess the time span of our relationship was up because I wasn’t willing to become more committed.

Now, I know I handled the situation badly. I went to a friend’s bachelor party and let’s just say things got out of hand. Word about the wild antics at the party got back to my girlfriend, naturally, and she dumped me. I lost love over the events of one night.

But, when I think back on what really happened, the events of the bachelor party were really a reaction to our discussion of more commitment. I seriously don’t think I would have behaved the way I did if I really wanted her to move in. I lost love because I wasn’t ready for the direction it was taking.

I’m glad I had the chance to be in a relationship with my ex. But I don’t think she was the love of my life, my soul mate. Instead, she was someone with whom I genuinely enjoyed spending time. I loved her. I still love her. But, she is not the person with whom I see spending the rest of my life.

I went through a period of mourning the relationship and analyzing what went wrong. I really was hurt when she said she wanted to end things. Sure, I understood that I had hurt her. But, I didn’t want her to leave my life completely.

I guess what I wanted was for things to continue on the way they were. But, every relationship has to grow or die. Because I wasn’t willing to let it grow, it had to die. In every relationship, there is a time to die. And, for me, this was it. That’s how I lost love.

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The first thing you’ll want to do is to chase after your ex… this is a big mistake. If you’ve just broken up then your emotions are raw, the drama is playing over and over in your head. You need space from your ex at this time. Don’t drive them further away, don’t make the mistake of contacting them and promising anything to get them back. Allow yourself the space of cooling down, settling your emotions and not allowing communication with your ex (text, email, phone, IM, etc.)  to keeping your emotions stirred up.

While you are allowing yourself this time it’s a good idea to take care of yourself first, be kind to yourself and allow yourself to experience a few things as a single, just to keep yourself occupied for the short term. Even if it was something that you did that caused the breakup you need to remember that there is already a number one in your life, you! Stop sitting home night after night, alone, feeling sorry for yourself. To win back love you need to become the great person you were before.

Call up some old friends and have some fun with them and now is the time to do it!

Activity will keep you busy and too preoccupied to worry about your ex. This is a good thing, remember! Your self-esteem will be boosted and your self-confidence will soar. And this will impress your ex when you do finally have contact with them.

And start a regular exercise program. Renew that gym membership or simply start walking and taking the stairs when possible. Howe about a dance class or yoga? Win love back by exercising regularly. This also releases good endorphins which helps to boost positive feelings, energy and over-all health.

Anyone can get dumped. But not everyone knows the right way to win love back. But now you do!

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Often, what really makes a relationship work are not the things we think of first. For instance, do you think you always need to spice things up? Wrong! Predictability is more important than variety in a relationship. Frequent change can challenge even the strngest relationships.

The following seven methods are guaranteed to grow your connection by improving the level of trust in your relationship.

First you need to be predictable. This goes against the common notion that you need to stir things up to keep the romance alive. Sure, going to a new restaurant or giving a surprise gift can be nice, but most of all, we need things to be consistent and steady in order to make our relationships work. Consider that trust in a relationship is built on being reliable day in and day out.

Second, you need to make sure that what you say always matches how you say it. This means that your partner needs to hear the words which match your body language. If you say you are happy but you are frowning, your partner doesn’t hear your words, he or she sees your face and the tone in your voice. Your partner needs to be able to trust what you are saying. When the words match the message, you build trust in a relationship and you make life exciting because of the predictability.

Third, you need to have a fundamental belief in your partner’s competency. If you don’t you won’t have the trust in a relationship that you need. When lovingly communicated, the truth is never destructive. When you do not believe that your partner is competent at some things (or indeed, anything), you violate the trust in a relationship.

Fourth, don’t keep secrets. Secrets destroy the trust in a relationship. Be honest and open. Assume everything you know will eventually come out. Secrets require enormous energy on your part. That is energy that could be going into building the relationship.

Fifth, don’t be afraid to let your partner know what your needs are. Don’ t make him or her guess what you need. Let them know. It is okay to be self-centered as long as you are not selfish. Indeed, if you are reluctant to assert your needs, you may go overboard in the opposite direction and smother your partner.

Sixth, learn to say no. When your partner voices his or her needs, that is a good thing. But you don’t need to say yes to everything. A partner cannot respect you if you never say no. Refusing to be subjugated to the other person’s will actually builds trust in a relationship.

Seventh, always pursue growth. When you plant a flower, you begin by digging in the dirt. Digging in the dirt of our relationships can sometimes cause pain. But, through that pain, we prepare the soil for future growth. Don’t be afraid of turmoil, crisis, or questions. These become the fertilizer for growth and change. Embrace what is difficult.

When you decide to work on trust in a relationship, you are bound to encounter a little pain. But, as you work through this pain, you will not only become stronger as an individual, you will also strengthen your coupledom.

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Maybe you’ve experienced this:

• Your partner puts you down (verbally) in front of others
• While your partner says they love you, their actions don’t back it up
• Your partner is controlling – reading your mail or “showing up” at places you are just to “check up” on you
• Your partner tries to make you dependent on them
• You have changed things about yourself to please them

Toxic people make you feel sick and unhappy just being around them. So, why would anyone end up in a bad/toxic relationship? Why would anyone want to be with someone who makes them feel emotionally or physically harmed? What would make you want to find love in this way?

A toxic relationship has a cycle. There’s a honeymoon (everything is great) period, followed by a blow up (first major argument), followed by a reconciliation (and ofentimes promises that this will never happen again) – at which point the cycle begins anew.

When you first meet a new partner, you are obviously in the honeymoon stage. It is not until they’ve sucked you in further that you realize that you are in a bad/toxic relationship. At that point, it is often hard to get out.

One reason is that many people in toxic relationships grow up in toxic homes. As a result, they behave the same as the patterns of their childhood without even knowing they’re doing it. And, they may not know any better. Others believe they do not deserve happiness and find justification in the cruelty they are subjected to. Still others find that they enjoy taking care of people, even though they are really being used and abused.

But the first step in getting out and staying out of toxic relationships is to realize that you do have choices. Often people who stay in these couples have low self esteem or suffer from depression.

Once you realize that you have choices, the next step is to start standing up for yourself. In most toxic relationships, the toxic partner has taught you that it is all your fault. Once you buy into this, it can be very difficult to either walk away from the relationship or set new limits that can heal the relationship.

For some people, working in therapy groups can help them either get out of or redefine these horrible relationships.

The good news is that some people are able to break the cycles of toxic relationships. Some of them leave the relationship and form new, healthier bonds.

But others are actually able to repair their relationship and stay in it.

The truth is that most relationships are able to be salvaged. Sometimes it takes a little space. Other times, it takes counseling. But if both partners make an attempt, it is possible to renew the bonds in a healthy way.

The first thing you need to decide is that the relationship must improve or you’re willing to walk away. If you aren’t willing to walk away, you’ll never be able to heal that which divides you.

Once you have liberated yourself from the dependency that is at the core of a toxic relationship, you can start to assert what you need from the connection. Don’t nag the other person. Simply say “I need your support,” “I need your love,” or “I need your truthful opinion.”

If you don’t get what you need, the other person should know that you’re prepared to walk.

A healthy relationship is a two way street. In a toxic relationship, the street is only going one way. You have the power to change that, but you must take the power into your own hands.

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