Every relationship has a natural life span. When you were a young student going out meant having a girlfriend for a few days and that was it. As we got older these life spans of relationships grew longer but there was always the chance that the life of the relationship ended, and me tried to move on from there.

Most of us will have only one great love, one love that meant everything to us, and it ended. I understand, and I want you to also understand, that this is a natural process of life and love.

In my case, my girlfriend and I were thinking about ratcheting up our relationship. Her lease was about to end, and she wanted to move into my apartment. As we were spending most of our time there anyway, it made sense from a financial perspective.

But there is something significant about having separate places. I know I lost love because I couldn’t handle her taking our relationship to this level. I guess the time span of our relationship was up because I wasn’t willing to become more committed.

Now, I know I handled the situation badly. I went to a friend’s bachelor party and let’s just say things got out of hand. Word about the wild antics at the party got back to my girlfriend, naturally, and she dumped me. I lost love over the events of one night.

But, when I think back on what really happened, the events of the bachelor party were really a reaction to our discussion of more commitment. I seriously don’t think I would have behaved the way I did if I really wanted her to move in. I lost love because I wasn’t ready for the direction it was taking.

I’m glad I had the chance to be in a relationship with my ex. But I don’t think she was the love of my life, my soul mate. Instead, she was someone with whom I genuinely enjoyed spending time. I loved her. I still love her. But, she is not the person with whom I see spending the rest of my life.

I went through a period of mourning the relationship and analyzing what went wrong. I really was hurt when she said she wanted to end things. Sure, I understood that I had hurt her. But, I didn’t want her to leave my life completely.

I guess what I wanted was for things to continue on the way they were. But, every relationship has to grow or die. Because I wasn’t willing to let it grow, it had to die. In every relationship, there is a time to die. And, for me, this was it. That’s how I lost love.

However, here are a few tips that you can follow to have him back with you again. A lot of people don’t succeed in winning their ex back. It’s not really their fault. No one ever handed us an instruction book for relationships when we first started dating that taught us how to handle a breakup… much less, how to get your ex back after a breakup… If you want your ex boyfriend back then these 5 simple steps should help achieve your goal:

1.The first tip which will help you and your ex boyfriend to get back is to get your head straight. You need to get rid of the negative thoughts that hinder clear thinking. You have to stop feeling sorry for yourself and be stronger than you’ve been before.

Don’t let your emotional sadness and especially your depressed feelings keep you down. You can’t achieve a goal if you can’t keep your emotions in check and your mind clear. Negative thoughts are destructive behavior and will not help you now.

2.Accept that the relationship in its prior form is over. All the wishing in the world isn’t going to allow you to go back in time and change the way things happened. You can’t let your mind keep wandering into the past look towards changes and the future you want for the both of you if you can get back together.

Focus on what is going on now. If you realize that the relationship of the past wasn’t perfect you’re heading in the right direction and laying the foundation for you and your ex boyfriend to get back. Remember you are most likely glossing over all the bad stuff that happened. Think about this; the relationship didn’t get broke in a day. Don’t expect to be able to fix it in a day either.

3.Don’t pester your ex boyfriend. Guys just don’t like it when girls become obsessive about them. Especially ex boyfriends. You may want to seek comfort by hearing his voice or seeing his face, but if you really want him back, you must back off for a while. Don’t continuously call him, text message him, email him, or go to his place or where he hangs out just to see him. Give him time to realize he may have made a mistake. He may begin to actually miss you. If you blow it, you may have a tougher time getting him back.

4.Become an object of desire. If you can, get some new makeup. Get some new clothes. Get a new hairstyle. If you’ve picked up a few pounds, start exercising and eating healthy. When you look good on the outside, you’re going to start feeling better about yourself on the inside. By feeling good on the inside you will be confident and happy. When you’re confident and happy, you will project this image to others. You will become an object of desire to men. This includes your ex boyfriend.

5.Take it slow. If you followed steps 1-4 your ex boyfriend at some point will probably get in touch with you. Imagine his surprise when he sees the “new” you from step 4. He will probably be sorry that he broke up with you. Keep your physical contact with him to a minimum, if you do see him.

Seeing you looking your best and seeing that you’ve become confident and happy will make him desire you. If you limit your physical contact with him, this will drive him crazy. It will probably help to ensure that you don’t just jump back into a relationship only to breakup a short time later.

These tips may not be easy for you to do at first. You may want to give in and call him or see him, but you have to resist the temptation. These tips will help you and your ex boyfriend to get back after a breakup.

Maybe you’ve experienced this:

• Your partner puts you down (verbally) in front of others
• While your partner says they love you, their actions don’t back it up
• Your partner is controlling – reading your mail or “showing up” at places you are just to “check up” on you
• Your partner tries to make you dependent on them
• You have changed things about yourself to please them

Toxic people make you feel sick and unhappy just being around them. So, why would anyone end up in a bad/toxic relationship? Why would anyone want to be with someone who makes them feel emotionally or physically harmed? What would make you want to find love in this way?

A toxic relationship has a cycle. There’s a honeymoon (everything is great) period, followed by a blow up (first major argument), followed by a reconciliation (and ofentimes promises that this will never happen again) – at which point the cycle begins anew.

When you first meet a new partner, you are obviously in the honeymoon stage. It is not until they’ve sucked you in further that you realize that you are in a bad/toxic relationship. At that point, it is often hard to get out.

One reason is that many people in toxic relationships grow up in toxic homes. As a result, they behave the same as the patterns of their childhood without even knowing they’re doing it. And, they may not know any better. Others believe they do not deserve happiness and find justification in the cruelty they are subjected to. Still others find that they enjoy taking care of people, even though they are really being used and abused.

But the first step in getting out and staying out of toxic relationships is to realize that you do have choices. Often people who stay in these couples have low self esteem or suffer from depression.

Once you realize that you have choices, the next step is to start standing up for yourself. In most toxic relationships, the toxic partner has taught you that it is all your fault. Once you buy into this, it can be very difficult to either walk away from the relationship or set new limits that can heal the relationship.

For some people, working in therapy groups can help them either get out of or redefine these horrible relationships.

The good news is that some people are able to break the cycles of toxic relationships. Some of them leave the relationship and form new, healthier bonds.

But others are actually able to repair their relationship and stay in it.

The truth is that most relationships are able to be salvaged. Sometimes it takes a little space. Other times, it takes counseling. But if both partners make an attempt, it is possible to renew the bonds in a healthy way.

The first thing you need to decide is that the relationship must improve or you’re willing to walk away. If you aren’t willing to walk away, you’ll never be able to heal that which divides you.

Once you have liberated yourself from the dependency that is at the core of a toxic relationship, you can start to assert what you need from the connection. Don’t nag the other person. Simply say “I need your support,” “I need your love,” or “I need your truthful opinion.”

If you don’t get what you need, the other person should know that you’re prepared to walk.

A healthy relationship is a two way street. In a toxic relationship, the street is only going one way. You have the power to change that, but you must take the power into your own hands.