Relationship In Crisis

The sad truth is that there are many things that can go wrong in a relationship. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship, and that can sometimes manifest itself in what is known as relationship depression. This type of depression can during or after a relationship, but it is the relationship that causes it.

While the medical establishment may not make a differentiation between regular depression and relationship depression, there is no question that the latter exists in some form. That being said, it’s important to mention that nothing in this article is intended to be medical advice, and should not be taken as such. Always talk to a qualified medical professional about any health concerns you may have.

No matter how bad you feel, you need to understand that the depression is not your fault. However, that should not be used as an excuse to avoid getting help for your problem. There can be any number of causes for depression, but it is a serious medical condition, and that means it should be treated as a serious medical condition.

We all feel down when a relationship goes bad, whether we are still in it or not. Therefore, you need to take the time to figure out if you are just upset, or if you are actually suffering from depression. You may not always be able to tell, but others around you may notice. If you are not sure, then a trip to your doctor is in order. You may also wish to take a self-assessment quiz to get some idea of how depressed you are.

Mending the relationship is one way to help yourself feel better, though it may not be enough to cure the depression. That may sound odd at first, but it shows that depression is a real medical issue. However, it’s still a good idea to do whatever you can to make yourself feel better. If you are still in the relationship, then talk to your partner and start improving your relationship. As long as you are willing to do whatever it takes, then you have a chance of working things out.

If you are no longer in the relationship that is contributing to your depression, then you have two choices: you can either try to make up, or you can get over it and move on with your life. This is not the kind of decision that should be made lightly, so be sure to take some time to honestly assess what it is you want to do.

Getting over relationship depression is possible, but it can take a fair amount of effort. You should seek help and support from as many sources as possible, including friends and family, a counselor, clergy, or a psychiatrist. It may not seem like it now, but you need to trust that relationship depression won’t last forever. You will eventually feel better, but only if you start taking a step in the right direction.

Me and You

It’s a safe bet that there was a time that two of you were happier than you are now. Things used to be better, but now you are at a point where you are concerned about saving a relationship. The good news is that the odds are in your favor, but only if you follow the right steps and are determined to make it happen.

Before you start putting any effort into saving your relationship, you need to make sure that you really want to save it. Now, you may be thinking that’s a pretty stupid point because you wouldn’t be reading this otherwise. However, it’s quite common for people to think they want to save their relationship, when in reality, they are afraid of being alone. There’s a big difference between those two ideas. From this point forward, we will assume that you want your relationship to be saved.

There is a well-known phrase that says “those who ignore history are condemned to repeat it.” To put it another way, you need to stop making the same mistakes if you want things to get better. The only way for that to happen is to know exactly what those mistakes were in the first place. This can take some digging, as you need to get to the root of the problem. Don’t assume that your initial reaction is what’s really wrong. Your initial reactions are typically nothing more than symptoms of your real problems.

Once you have an idea of the true cause of strife in your relationship, you need to work on a solution. Keep in mind that the only person that you can change is yourself. If your partner is the main source of the problems, then you need to figure out a way to make it less of a problem. You will need to have an open conversation with them and see what can be done.

Depending on the circumstances, you have a few basic choices if your partner did something wrong. You can get their word that they will change, you can pretend it didn’t happen, or you can forgive them. If they promise to do better, then that’s great, but you should watch to make sure that they are backing up their words with action. Pretending nothing happened seems like the easy way out, but it’s not really a way out at all, as it will only lead to the same things happening again and again. Forgiving them can be hard to do, but it brings the most relief.

These things are only a good start to saving a relationship, but they are a good start. Keep seeking more information on making things work, and be sure to take action. Over time, your relationship will get better, and any effort you invest in making it so will come back to you in pleasantly unexpected ways.

This topic and more is discussed in the Magic of Making Up ebook. Learn the right and wrong things to do to get your ex back here

Out of all the things that need to be present in a relationship to make it a good relationship I think respect is number one. Though respect in relationships isn’t just about respecting your partner, though that is important too, it is also about respecting yourself and making sure your partner treats you with respect too.

If your partner, this applies to you too by the way, doesn’t respect themselves they can’t respect you. So respect in relationships has to extend to all parties involved and each person needs to have a high level of respect for themselves as well as their partner.

So, what happens when one partner doesn’t really respect themselves? Well, in my experience (I’m not a counselor or anything, but I have seen this pattern in relationships of friends and family members) it leads to kind of a downward spiral a little like this:

1. First of all you have one person who doesn’t respect them self. They usually attract the “wrong” type of person. They usually attract someone else who is suffering from low self esteem and a lack of self respect.

2. Next you find that you have two people in a relationship who have deep seated feelings of no self worth. Even in this dynamic one person will rise to the top and become the dominant partner.

3. Since the person who is the dominant partner does not have any real self esteem they will try to artificially increase their feelings of self worth by trying to control the other person and keep the other person off balance.

This is usually done by continuing to further undermine the other persons feelings of inadequacy and their lack of self esteem.

4. The person who is feeling “picked on” (and they really are being picked on, it’s not just in their head) will either lash out at their partner thus creating a terrible dynamic of fighting all time in their relationship or they will sink down even further into their feelings of not being good enough.

5. This abusive cycle will continue until one person gets so tired of it (or bored with it) they leave. It can also escalate into more physical types of violence.

Doesn’t sound like much fun does it? Want to know how you can avoid getting sucked into this type of relationship? Well, the truth is that it is actually fairly easy and the first step is holding off getting into a relationship until you have dealt with the worst of your low self esteem issues.

The stronger you are and the more confidant you feel before you even head off to the dating pool, the more likely you will be to attract another confidant person with strong self esteem. That is the best way to ensure that the two of you have a relationship that is on equal footing.

I’m not saying that this type of relationship won’t have it’s challenges, but if you both have good self esteem you should find it easier to communicate and work things out.

The real problems come when you are each feeling bad about yourselves and then one person will always try to feel better by dominating the other.

And one other important thing to note; good self esteem does not mean “cocky” or “arrogant”. These are actually traits of someone who is very insecure and is trying desperately to hide that insecurity by over compensating.

So, to do all you can to ensure you meet the type of person that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated, take some time out and deal with your own issues before you even start dating. You may not be “perfect” but you can be much stronger and that will go a long way to ensuring that you only find respect in relationships.

While it’s not enough to make you feel 100% better, you can take at least a small measure of comfort from knowing that you are not alone. Countless people have had to deal with the same thing. Granted, no two situations are exactly the same, just as no two people are the same. However, there has been enough shared heartache over the centuries that some really good advice has been handed down.

Of course you feel awful, and that’s perfectly normal. Guilt, anger, shame, confusion, doubt, sadness, depression, relief, and any number of other emotions all mix together. You’re not really sure what to make of it. Sometimes you do quite well, and other times it’s so painful that it seems as though you will never be the same again. Take heart! Just because you have lost love doesn’t mean you have lost your mind…at least not permanently.

Take some time to get away from everything. Now, that doesn’t mean you should crawl into a corner and wallow in self-pity. But you should try to clear your mind of the break for a while. If you have any vacation time from work, then now may be a good time to take it. A small vacation where you aren’t surrounded by constant reminders of your past relationship is a good way to get the fresh perspective you need.

When you come back you can start to look at the relationship again. The key is not get too worked up about it. If you find that you get over-emotional when thinking about it, then take a break, and return to it when you are ready again. You must work through this.

The reason working through it is so important is that it’s the only way to get past it. It may seem impossible, but it can be done. You must confront those feelings, and the events that caused your lost love. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. Each time you do it, you will find your feelings improving little by little.

The truth is that it doesn’t work for everybody, so what if this isn’t enough to make you feel better? Then it’s time to get help from someone else. This can be a friend, member of the clergy or a counselor. Whom you choose isn’t as important as the fact that you’re getting some help. There is no reason why you need to feel miserable forever after a break up. And whether you ever try to work things out or not, getting back to some sense of normalcy will only make you better in the long run.

This topic and more is discussed in the Magic of Making Up ebook. Learn the right and wrong things to do to get your ex back here

Here are 3 things you can start doing today to keep your relationship strong, or pull it back from the brink. It’s not so much about how much time you spend together, it’s more about the quality of time that the two of you spend together.  Keep that in mind when going over the list:

1. Figure out what activities that the two of you like to do as a couple. It doesn’t matter if it’s round of golf or a trip to the local movie theater. As long as you can share an experience that is enjoyable, for both of you. When it’s your time, make arrangements for the kids to spend the night at grandma’s, turn off the cell phones and Blackberries, take the phone off the hook, and turn off the t.v. This is about connecting with each other, not just co-existing in the same place at the same time.

This is so important for two reasons.  One, it will allow you time to relax and unwind from the stresses of life.  That will help each of you individually and also will allow both of you to bring more to the relationship since you’ll be more relaxed and at ease.  And two, it gives the two of you precious memories that you can relive from time to time with each other.  It’s fun to have shared experiences where you can say ‘remember when we did…’?  That creates a deeper bond between the two of you.

2. So many couples only talk about mundane daily things like asking your spouse if they had a good day,  or if they picked up milk on the way home.  Try to make time each week to really talk.  Don’t turn it into a complaining time, just talk.  Tell your partner about your dreams, relive some fun past times, etc.  Make it a positive time.  Really be willing to talk, and listen, and let each other into your minds a little bit.

3.  Try to always remind yourself what it was that first attracted you to your partner.  Was it their laugh, their offbeat sense of humor, their goofy expressions? Whatever it was don’t let yourself forget that.  And while you’re reminding yourself, make sure to let them know too.  If you fell in love with their laugh, tell them, often, that you love the way they laugh.  So much of that positive reinforcement seems to go out the window the longer the relationship goes on.  And that’s a shame.  Everyone wants to feel loved and appreciated, don’t ever let your partner feel like you don’t find that thing you fell in love with attractive anymore.

A loving relationship is one of the best things you can do for yourself.  Many people will tell you that relationships are ‘hard’ and that they ‘take a lot of work’.  I don’t agree.  I believe that if you are with the right person, if you’re both mature adults who really want to make the relationship work, and if you know what to look out for, your relationship can be very easy.  Just use this advice on love to save your relationship as a starting point.

Of course, if you’re really in love with your ex you could make an effort to get back together. There’s no guarantee that anything you do will get you back together, but you could still try. Often, being genuine and just making it really clear that you don’t want to lose your ex will be enough to move them to give it another chance.

If cheating was involved in some capacity, then their wanting to come back is less likely, but it’s still possible. If you cheated, you might think it’s going to be harder to get them back.

But if they cheated and that relationship has ended, it’s still harder to get them back once they’ve been with someone else. And it’s going to take a long time for you to start trusting each other again.

It’s important for you to decide that if your ex gives in and comes back, how will you keep from falling into the same patterns the next time around? You can say, “I’m still in love with my ex!” until you’re blue in the face, and that won’t chance whether or not you have problems in the future.

It’s really easy to be in love with someone. But making a relationship work is tough and time consuming. And you have the added difficulty of overcoming a break up. You can try to convince your ex that if you get back together you’ll change your ways, and maybe they’ll believe you.

But the best thing you can do is simply show that you’ve changed your ways, without saying much about it. Actions really do almost always speak much louder than words, so the things you do are going to be noticed more by your ex than the things you say.

It’s important to say the right things, too. But it’s more important to do the right things. If you’re really still in love with them then you should want to change your actions dramatically, at least right now. When you think your actions might make a difference it’s easy to feel like you can change many things about yourself.

What you have to determine is whether or not you can really follow through with it. There’s no point in making promises to your ex that you’re not going to be able to keep.

If you have any doubt that you’ll want to make the changes that you or your ex feel are necessary, then you shouldn’t promise that you’ll make them. Though you say, “I’m still in love with my ex, “ you have to remember than only lasting changes will matter, not just a fast change to win them back.