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Moving past your breakup

Why does it seem that everybody feels the need to share that old saying with you after you have ended a relationship?
I know it’s their way of easing the pain of a breakup and while it may be true, it never has the desired effect. The good news is that there are some things you can do to start feeling better and move on with your life.

Let’s face the facts. After a split, feelings get hurt, tears flow, anger surges and the thought of ever loving again seems like a remote possibility. I mention this because it’s important to know that the ebb and flow of feelings after breaking up are normal.

Apart from time, the only thing that will heal the hurt is accepting things for what they are. Once you can do this, easing the pain of a breakup becomes nearly automatic. However, it may take a while before you get to that stage. Here are a few things you can do to feel better in the meantime.

Get out: Hiding yourself away is detrimental to the healing process. Go ahead and take a little time to be alone, but don’t overdo it. Get out of the house as soon as you can and re-discover the things life has to offer. In the beginning it’s a good idea to avoid the old haunts you used to frequent with your ex. Other than that, have a ball!

Stay busy: While you shouldn’t try to completely ignore what you are going through, it’s also not a good idea to dwell on it. Participate in positive or productive activities to give your heart and mind a rest. Clean the house, play games, go to the gym, or anything else that requires movement and some level of thought.

Laugh: It may seem impossible, you may even feel guilty about it, but go ahead and laugh. It is believed that laughter releases certain “feel good” chemicals in the brain. The more you laugh, the better you will feel. Easing the pain of a breakup is never a simple thing to do, but if you can smile and laugh you are well on the way to better days.

Seek help: What if everything you do to feel better just doesn’t seem to work? When this happens get help from a qualified therapist, counselor or psychiatrist. They are there to help. More importantly, they are trained to do one thing better than the average person. What is that thing? Listening. Sometimes having a non-judgmental ear is all you need to start moving on.

Nobody likes to part ways with someone that’s close to them. Even if you knew things were getting worse for quite some time, the actual split can be difficult to handle. There is nothing wrong with feeling down, but only to a certain degree. At some point you have to be proactive in easing the pain of a breakup. Using the simple ways mentioned above will get you feeling better much sooner.

This topic and more is discussed in the Magic of Making Up ebook. Learn the right and wrong things to do to get your ex back here

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When faced with a true, final breakup, it’s likely that you will also feel a physical pain: the broken heart.

Besides the true ache of lost love you may also feel:

• unrelenting sadness
• food has lost it’s flavor and loss of appetite
• your interest cannot be held for long on the things that once brought you joy and happiness
• listlessness and boredom
• inner peace with listening to depressing music (try anything by “The Smiths”) and reading depressing, sad poetry and novels but yet a lack of joy in your daily routine

There is no time like now to release your inner demons and look forward to another day.

As hard as the truth is, life does go on.

You need to find your path again, find your purpose again.

But take your time, you need to heal. You need to find yourself again, the one you were before you were in a couple.

Follow these three steps to regain your emotional and physical health again.

1 – STOP everything you are doing (after competing this article, of course) and get a blank piece of paper. On this paper you need to write down exactly how you are feeling about your breakup. Continue writing on this paper but let’s move to the third person point of view. Write down what has happened as if you were a spectator only. As if you are outside of yourself watching everything happen. Try to capture every action, every seen emotion, every step of the breaking up, even if your story starts days or weeks earlier in time.

2 – Plan a treat day for yourself. This day will be for yourself, a treat day of things that you have held off doing, for whatever reason, and you now have the time and a lack of someone holding you back. This might be a shopping day, a day of travel, a day of entertainment. Do this one day for yourself, with no other goal than to enjoy what was unavailable to you before. A makeover, haircut, pedicure, trip to the museum, travel to another town, you name it, this day is for you. Even if you can’t do this day immediately, you can plan for it to happen soon.

3 – Decide to be available for what life has next for you. The secret of life is that it holds many surprises and you have to be open, and capable, of accepting the new challenges that come your way. Giving up and just “letting things happen” can no longer be a viable alternative to making the decisions in your life, that will affect the rest of your life. You will have made the positive decision to meet the challenges in your life head on when you no longer shirk from responsibility. Stand up, dust yourself off and smile into the sun. You are ready to shine!

You can and will heal from your broken heart but this takes time and a personal understanding that you can accept the hand that life has dealt you. And that you can and will take the steps forward to make your life a fun life again.

3 steps toward a new you, a new life, disposal of the old you and onto the new you.

Only YOU can make the decision to move forward… and YOU do need to move forward.

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